


Drift

by TheGreatCatsby



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Pacific Rim - Freeform, less fightings more feels, loki/steve - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-03 23:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is called back into the Jaeger program to pilot his old Jaeger, which was restored by Loki Laufeyson. Loki has his own reasons for being on the Jaeger program, but Fury won't include him as a candidate for co-pilot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I finally watched Pacific Rim and the whole Drift concept is a great vehicle for exploring feels and stuff. So, um, here's some Steve/Loki with giant robots, sci-fi and feels and stuf. Mostly feels.

The ground shook and sirens pierced the air. 

In the streets, Loki grabbed hold of his mother Frigga’s arm and pulled her down the street while Odin followed behind. The crowd surged around them, rushing to the underground shelter a few blocks away. It was loud, too loud, almost overwhelming. 

A few minutes later they were among a crowd of people huddled in an underground bunker with reinforced concrete walls and a steal door. Above, the city rumbled ominously. 

Loki had seen this on television countless times. He dug bloody crescents into his skin with his nails watching the kaiju, giant monsters that they were, attack cities along the Pacific until one of the gigantic robots that the government called Jaegers stopped them. Often, too often, Thor was piloting one of them. 

And now he was living it. 

As soon as the sirens had sounded, Loki knew what they meant, and he’d hurried to get Frigga and Odin to the nearest shelter. They had been confused, at first, but halfway there realization dawned on them. They hadn’t paid much attention to the news, not wanting to watch the attacks because they were hard to watch. Loki was different; he couldn’t look away until he knew it was over. 

Underground, he felt blind, and his heart thudded in his ears. He knew there was a battle going on above ground and that when everything was over, there would barely be a city to go back to. 

“Thor is up there,” Frigga said softly. 

“At least one of my sons is doing something of use,” Odin muttered. 

Loki rounded on him. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not your son then, isn’t it?” he snapped. 

Odin glared at him. “Don’t you dare-“

“Stop,” Frigga cut him off. “Now is not the time to fight.” 

She was right. Loki turned away from Odin and took a deep breath. It was hard. Odin had lied to him about who he was his whole life, and by accident he’d found out about it. It made him look at his life in a new light—Odin had always favored Thor, and now Loki knew why. He was nothing more than an ornament to make Odin look good. 

They tried to be civil, for Frigga’s sake. Occasionally, that didn’t work. 

“You got us here,” Frigga said, laying a comforting hand on Loki’s arm. “That’s enough.” 

Loki nodded. If he were being completely honest with himself, he would rather be out there, fighting, or somehow part of the SHIELD operation that fought the kaiju with each emergence from the breach. He hated not knowing. But he hadn’t applied, and Thor had, and he didn’t want to always be known to the Ranger program as “Thor’s little brother.” 

The rumbling grew louder. Frigga’s hand tightened on his arm, and the crowd became hushed, as if they imagined that whatever was up there could hear them if they were too loud. 

Maybe it could. 

A deafening crack broke the silence and Loki’s vision became clouded in white dust. Screams filled his ears, Frigga’s hand pulled at his arm and then fell away, and heavy things hit Loki on his back. He threw his arms over his head and ducked, and felt the rush of cool air from the outside, and heard the sirens and explosions and then, above all of that, a blood-curdling roar. 

He’d never heard such a sound. It was the sound that came out of night terrors, that would have made him wake up screaming and wanting to run as far away as possible. Another roar pierced the air, and Loki raised his head and blinked the dust away. 

A huge, shadowy figure hulked not too far away and an equally shadowy Jaeger, silver and red, slammed into the beast, sending it sprawling into several buildings. 

Loki glanced around him and saw that only a few people were standing; the rest were on the ground, or crawling over large slabs of concrete. Loki’s heart leapt into his throat as he realized that neither Frigga nor Odin were next to him. He steeled himself and looked around at the ground, and a streak of blood caught his eye a few feet away. 

He rushed over to the bloodstained concrete and began searching around it. What he saw brought him up short; Frigga had been crushed by a large piece of the ceiling, and was lying at a strange angle. Odin was not too far away from her, blood pooling around a gaping head wound. 

Loki spun around and vomited on the ground. 

And then he ran. There were tears running down his face. They were dead, horribly dead from that monster. Loki had brought them to the shelter, promised that the shelter was where they’d be safe. Why hadn’t they evacuated the city instead? That, too, had been an option, but Loki chose the shelter. Loki thought the shelter would hold. Loki had failed them. They were dead because Loki made the wrong choice. The monster had killed them. Loki had-

He rounded a corner and found himself standing in front of the Jaeger, and behind the Jaeger was a bleeding, hulking Kaiju body laid out in the road. He stood there, breathing harshly, and watched as the two pilots exited the Jaeger and began walking towards him. 

They had survived. 

One of them was Thor. 

Both pilots wore helmets that obscured their faces but Loki could tell. One was taller and more heavily built than the other, and carried himself with utmost confidence. The second pilot seemed more weary, but he was the one who called out, “Hey! Do you need help?” 

Loki couldn’t speak. He watched them get closer until they were throwing distance away, and Thor stopped. “Brother?” he said. He reached up to detach his helmet. 

“That’s your brother?” the second pilot asked, voice tinny from the helmet. “Of all the people in the city…Well, at least he’s safe. Accomplishment.” 

Thor tossed his helmet aside and walked up to Loki, his face radiating relief and happiness. “Loki,” he cried, “I am so happy to see you!” He made to hug Loki. 

Loki stepped back, nearly tripping over debris, and held an arm out to prevent Thor from coming closer. Thor’s relief turned to confusion, which was better. Loki couldn’t deal with the happiness. Not after what happened. 

His mouth worked without him really thinking. He yelled, “Why didn’t you kill it faster?” 

“What?” Thor asked. 

“You let it kill them!” Loki screamed. “We were in the shelter and the kaiju destroyed it! Why didn’t you kill it, Thor?” 

Thor’s face fell, and he looked horrified. “Loki, what are you saying?” 

“You let it kill them,” Loki repeated, choking on a sob. “You let it reach the city, and-“ He cut himself off, and his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. But he couldn’t stop himself. “You didn’t get here in time.” 

“I’m sorry,” Thor said. “Loki-“

Loki was breathing far too fast. He felt light-headed. “Don’t say anything,” he snarled. “There is nothing you can say. You promised-“

“To protect you,” Thor said, trying to move closer, but Loki moved back and swayed on his feet. “I know. I’m so sorry. I would give anything-“

“You promised,” Loki repeated. 

“Loki,” Thor said, and there were tears in his eyes now, “please-“

“They were crushed,” Loki whispered, and he collapsed. 

When he woke up, hours later, he was in Hong Kong in the Shatterdome, among the Rangers and the Jaegers, laying in a healing ward while a doctor and a psychologist looked at charts and talked about him. 

After, Loki stayed. But he would avoid Thor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we get Steve!

Steve didn’t know why he was in Hong Kong, talking to the leader of the Jaeger program, standing in a room facing a hangar full of the few currently active Jaegers in service. He didn’t know why he agreed to come. This was everything he didn’t need. 

Except…he felt comforted by the presence of the Jaegers. As a pilot, he’d always felt like he was making a difference, doing his part. Until Bucky. 

“Coulson’s a big fan,” Fury remarked. “Seems you haven’t lost your admiration, either.” 

In the center of two other Jaegers was a large, silver figure accented with dark blue. “She looks great,” Steve said. “You did this?” 

“No,” Fury said. “I oversaw the restoration. She was a good fighter, and she will continue to be a good fighter. We had another Jaeger go down last week and we need one more here. And you were an excellent pilot.” 

Steve turned to Fury and opened his mouth, but Fury added, “Don’t make a decision yet. Just stick around, meet the crew. Think about it, Rogers.” 

“I can’t,” Steve said. “I felt him die in my head.” 

“Rogers-“

“I’d probably overwhelm the next pilot who tried to Drift with me,” Steve insisted. 

Fury gave him a stern look. “Many people have died. We move on. This is war. I need you to think about it, because this area of the Pacific is particularly active, and we need excellent pilots to keep up our defense. Think about it.” 

Steve nodded. “Am I dismissed, sir?” 

Fury gave him a sharp nod, and Steve walked out of the office. 

He made his way to the floor, where the various crews for each Jaeger were tinkering around, making sure the machines were in top operating condition. Steve recognized Black Hawk, the smallest Jaeger, but also the most agile and quick in a fight, piloted by two former spies, Natasha Romanov and Clint Barton. On his way in, Steve passed Iron Thunder, the large, flashy Jaeger of Tony Stark and Thor Odinson, two of the most famous pilots in the whole program. Their Jaeger was all power and cool weapons that, according to word-of-mouth, Stark had designed himself. In fact, as Steve passed he saw Stark at the base of the giant robot with a toolbox. 

“Rogers, is that you?” he called upon seeing Steve. 

Steve gave him a small wave. “Just visiting,” he said. 

Stark nodded at him. “Right. Well, have fun.” 

Steve came to his old Jaeger, a mix between Iron Thunder and Black Hawk, meant to be powerful but also fast, meant to be SHIELD’s secret weapon until it was partially destroyed a few years ago. The Blue Avenger. 

Memories came back, unbidden, of the fight that had taken him and Bucky down in the Arctic. There had been so much ice, and snow, and the kaiju had burst out of the ocean and stabbed the Jaeger through the chest with alarming accuracy. The rest of the fight was a blur, but Steve remembered the moment the monster tore a gaping hole into the pilot’s compartment in the head of the Jaeger, exposing them to the freezing cold and driving snow, and then it had ripped Bucky out. 

Steve survived, but barely. Physically, he healed quickly. Mentally—well, there were nightmares for a long time, but these, too, faded. The sharp pang of sadness whenever Bucky or the Blue Avenger were mentioned, however, did not. 

“Do you like her?” someone asked. 

Steve blinked and looked to his side, where a tall, young man was watching him with something like curiosity in his expression. He was thin, and had dark hair that contrasted with his pale skin. And he was carrying a tablet. 

“I used to pilot her,” Steve said, because he couldn’t think of anything else. “Steve Rogers.” He held out his hand. 

The man’s lips twitched as he shook it. “I know,” he said. His accent was English. Steve knew only one other Englishman in the organization, and that was Thor. “Would you like a full rundown of her capabilities?” 

“Um,” Steve said. “I mean, she looks good as new.” 

“There are more weapons,” the man told him, “a faster reaction time, escape pods, nuclear weaponry for use in case of emergency and a retractable shield in the left hand. To name a few.” 

“You know a lot about this,” Steve said. 

“I upgraded her myself,” the man replied. “Loki Laufeyson.” 

It was an interesting name, and sounded vaguely familiar. “So you work on the Jaegers?” 

“I did,” Loki said. “Now, primarily, I’ve been working on this particular Jaeger. I arrived here a few months ago after being passed around to various bases. It seems I have a talent for Jaeger restoration and repair that many would like to take advantage of.” 

“So you know this one pretty well?” Steve asked. 

“As if she were mine,” Loki said. He took a sharp breath, as if catching himself. 

Steve noticed. “Do you want to be a pilot?” 

“I’ve trained,” Loki said after a moment. “On the side. My Drift compatibility was analyzed and deemed unfit for most pairings. Fury suggested that I try something else, and suggested that perhaps there are certain qualities of my mind that make me unable to pilot a Jaeger.” 

“Like?” Steve asked. He’d never heard that one before. 

“Memories.” Loki’s mouth tightened. 

“Memories,” Steve repeated. Anger sparked inside him. Fury didn’t seem to think his memories were of any consequence to the Drift, and yet he’d grounded someone else on the basis of memories. He wanted to ask, almost in defiance of Fury, what memories Loki had. But he didn’t want to ask Loki. He didn’t want to bring his anger to someone who didn’t deserve it. 

“I’ve heard the Drift brings all memories to bear on the pilots,” Loki said. “Perhaps he is right.” His hand tightened on the tablet. 

“You don’t think he’s right,” Steve said. 

Loki smirked. “Perhaps not.” He paused, looking at his tablet, and then said, “If you choose to continue with the Jaeger program I have been assigned to oversee your co-pilot selection. There are five who are within the acceptable range for Drift compatibility.” 

Steve stared at him. “Fury’s assuming I’m gonna say yes,” he said. 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you?” 

Steve found he didn’t have an answer to that, and Loki gave him a long look before walking away. 

Two hours later Steve walked into Fury’s office to accept the offer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets his potential co-pilots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sparring bits are different from the film in that they aren't using weapons.

“I’m going to regret this,” Steve muttered over his breakfast of oatmeal and bad coffee. 

“You won’t,” Stark said. The pilots were sitting together, and as a pilot Steve had been invited to join them for meals rather than sit with the Rangers. It was an interesting divide that Steve had forgotten about but remembered now. 

“Do any of you know who they are?” Steve asked. “The candidates?” 

“I didn’t know they had been chosen,” Thor said around a mouthful of food. 

“Yeah,” Stark said. “What makes you think they were?” 

“I talked to the guy who was overseeing the whole thing,” Steve said. “Aside from Fury.” 

“Loki,” Natasha said. She was quiet, thoughtful. Steve knew she was taking everything in and filing it away for later. 

Thor gave her a sharp look. “How do you know that?” 

“Overheard Fury talking,” Clint said. Stark gave Thor a significant look, which Thor pointedly ignored. 

“Is there something I’m not getting?” Steve asked. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Stark said, trying to sound flippant and failing. “Loki’s just operations.” 

“He said he wanted to be a pilot,” Steve said, remembering their conversation. 

Thor choked and then cried, “What?” Stark looked alarmed at Thor’s reaction, and Natasha and Clint seemed unsurprised. 

“He’s been training,” Steve said. “I thought word got around fast in these places. He didn’t qualify.” 

“Loki’s a pretty secretive guy,” Clint said. “I’m sure he did his best to make sure no one found out. A lot of pressure, trying to become a pilot.” 

Stark and Thor were looking at each other. Then Thor looked down at his food, picked up his fork, and dropped it again. 

Steve felt like he’d ruined the meal. “Look, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Clint said. “Honestly, it’s no big deal. Besides, you gotta go meet your co-pilot. We can’t worry about might-have-beens.” 

Steve nodded and set about to finishing his breakfast. Despite Clint’s assurances, conversation was halting at best and by the time Steve left, he felt distinctly like he’d done something wrong. 

He tried to shake the feeling as he went to the training rooms, because those kind of emotions were going to be useless to him when sparring with a potential partner. 

Fury was in the room, Loki standing next to him, both at the opposite end of the mat. Along the side were two women and three men, all watching him, sizing him up. None of them was familiar, which was fine. Familiarity wasn’t a prerequisite for a good Drift partner. 

Steve took off his shoes and stepped onto the mat. 

Fury turned to Loki, who said, “We will begin. Candidate number one.” A woman stepped onto the mat, opposite Steve. 

It wasn’t about winning. It was about seeing how well two people fought together. When they moved in such a way that anticipated each others’ thoughts, when it became more like choreography of two halves of the same whole rather than a fight between two different people, that was when two people were Drift compatible. Usually. There were some exceptions to this rule, and sometimes it depended on the nature of the Jaeger itself. For Blue Avenger, Steve felt that this particular aspect was important. 

He fought with each candidate, and each time Loki declared “Next,” and Steve fought another until there were no more to fight. He didn’t feel that essential synchronization of movement, that precious balance that he knew he should have. 

Loki was frowning, but seemed to be staring past him. 

“The Candidates are dismissed,” Fury said. The five men and women left the room. 

“So, any winners?” Steve asked. 

Fury turned to Loki. “We will decide after some review,” Loki said, but he sounded frustrated. He turned to Fury. “If I were to share my opinion-“

“You always do,” Fury sighed. 

“None of them were satisfactory. The numbers may be adequate but the performance was abysmal,” Loki told him. 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Steve said. Some of them had been better to spar with than others. 

“Mr. Laufeyson has a tendency to be harsh in his judgements,” Fury said. To Loki he added, “What do you propose?” 

Loki tensed. “Perhaps now would be a good time to test an unconventional candidate.” 

“There are no unconventional candidates,” Fury said. His voice had an air of finality. 

Loki’s jaw clenched. Fury turned to Steve and said, “We will let you know within the next two days. Dismissed.” 

Steve left, but he couldn’t help but think about Loki’s frustration. He shared it, because in his mind he had a feeling that he had only had one partner, Bucky, and the time had passed and he wasn’t compatible with anyone else. It was a fear many pilots shared whose partners had died or been taken out of service. Being able to Drift with someone else was a large hurdle to get over. 

Steve spent a few hours in his room checking the news. Another Kaiju had attacked the west coast of South America, a Category IV. They seemed to be getting more severe more frequently. The Jaegers were advancing as well. Steve wondered if they could keep this war up forever, because there seemed to be no end in sight. There were some people entering the Ranger program who couldn’t remember a world without the Kaiju, and that was new and terrifying to think about. 

The news worked Steve up enough that he ended up back in the training rooms. 

When he got there, he wasn’t alone. 

Loki was dressed down, dressed to exercise, his long hair tied back. He was sitting in the middle of the mat doing breathing exercises. Steve watched him for a moment; his cheeks were flushed, not with exertion, but with what Steve supposed was anger. He had seemed worked up earlier, with Fury. 

Steve closed the door behind him and Loki’s eyes snapped open. He got to his feet in one fluid movement before Steve could say anything. 

“Sorry,” Steve said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just saw the news—another attack. And I wanted to work off some steam. Maybe use a punching bag.” 

Loki stayed where he was in the center of the mat. “Spar with me,” he said. It was clearly a challenge, no idle suggestion. 

“What?” Steve asked, taken aback. He hadn’t expected that. 

“Spar with me,” Loki repeated. “I, too, am experiencing a certain amount of…frustration. And sparring with a human is better than sparring with a bag of sand.” 

“Okay.” Steve took off his shoes and stepped onto the mat. “If you want to. I mean, you looked like you were in the middle of something-“

“This is better,” Loki said. “Or do you not want to spar with me?” This question was also said as a challenge. 

“No, I do,” Steve said. The way Loki was acting, he couldn’t back out now without making him angry, it seemed. He didn’t want to do that. But he did need to spend some energy, Loki had been right about that. He moved forward until he was a few feet away from Loki and assumed a centered stance. 

Loki did the same. His eyes flickered over Steve’s body and then to Steve’s face. Steve found himself doing the same. Loki was whip-thin, but Steve knew that didn’t mean he couldn’t fight. He would just fight differently. A lot of pilots and Rangers tended to be on the bulkier side, but there were a few like Loki. Clint and Natasha were two, and they were some of the best pilots around. 

Loki’s eyes had rested on his face, and he seemed to be going through a number of things inside his head. Steve didn’t give him too long to think—he lunged forward with a jab to Loki’s stomach. 

Loki darted to the side and grabbed Steve’s arm, but Steve twisted so that Loki couldn’t get him in a lock. Loki reacted to this in turn, jabbing at Steve’s side, and Steve dodged just in time to avoid a brutal hit. 

They were exchanging blows fast, dancing around each other, moving all over the mat. Steve used his strength to his advantage, and was consistent in his movements. Loki was fast, agile, unpredictable, and he sometimes made moves that were rash, but these became less common as he responded to Steve’s style of fighting, and he tempered his more risky moves with something more calculated in its place. 

Steve lost track of time. He and Loki were barely fighting anymore. They certainly weren’t fighting to win. They were testing each other, and the testing had become a sort of conversation, where Loki would make a move and Steve would respond, and then Loki would respond in turn, and again and again until it was something much more complex than simply responding. It felt right, and Steve thought he could do this forever. He hadn’t felt this way since…

Since Bucky. 

The realization hit him harder than any punch ever could. 

He spun away from Loki and held out his hands before Loki could land another blow. Loki was staring at him, eyes wide. 

“You felt that,” Steve managed. 

Loki nodded, pale and looking completely shocked. 

“You’re it,” Steve said. “You’re my co-pilot.” 

Loki opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then he said, hoarsely, “I need to talk to the Director.” And he walked out of the room. 

Steve stood there for a moment, basking in the glow of utter satisfaction. He wanted, more than anything, to pilot a Jaeger with Loki. Together, they would be the perfect team for Blue Avenger. 

He hoped Fury was willing to let them be a team. And he hoped Loki had been sincere about wanting to be a pilot.


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re going to ask Fury to make Loki your co-pilot?” Clint asked, staring at Steve with a look of disbelief. 

He, Steve, and Natasha were sitting in the mess hall. It was the middle of the next morning, and very few people were around, but Steve had found Clint and Natasha playing cards, and he’d needed to tell someone. He hardly slept the night before. 

“He was perfect,” Steve said. “We both felt it. We would be amazing in a fight.”

“But can you trust him?” Natasha asked. “What do you actually know about him? Do you know why he isn’t compatible with anyone else?” 

Steve shrugged. He didn’t know at all. “I’ve found that most people in the Ranger program are trustworthy.” 

“Loki isn’t officially in the Ranger program,” Clint reminded him. “Fury let him go through the training, but he was never trained with the others.” 

“He has baggage,” Natasha said. “Memories that could potentially cause havoc in the Drift.” 

“I have baggage, too,” Steve said. Loki had said as much, the first time they met, but Steve knew memories probably had less to do with it than Loki not finding a compatible pilot. 

“He’s bitter, and he hates Thor,” Clint said. “He blames Thor for his parents’ death a few years ago in one of the attacks. Thor brought him in because he’s a great guy who cares about his brother, and Loki told him he caused his parents’ death by not killing the kaiju fast enough. He told Thor they weren’t even family because he was adopted, and that their family had been a lie. That’s who you’re dealing with.” 

Steve let Clint’s words sink in. “Grief is a strange thing,” he said. “How do you know all this?” 

“Everyone knows it,” Clint said. “Loki goes out of his way to avoid Thor but when they meet, their fights are explosive. Thor wants Loki to forgive him. Honestly, I wouldn’t bother. It wasn’t Thor’s fault. If Loki wanted to save his parents he should’ve been a pilot.” 

Steve looked at Natasha, who seemed thoughtful. “So that’s all there is to it?” 

“That’s all we know,” Natasha said. 

Steve wasn’t sure what to think. He had met Thor, and Thor was a really nice guy. And he could see Thor caring a lot about his family. It must have hurt him, to have Loki’s anger for their parents’ deaths directed at him. Steve felt a dull spike of anger at Loki, but he reigned it in. If he and Loki were going to try to be co-pilots, he would have to withhold judgement. 

After all, he would find out in the Drift. 

**

A few hours later Steve walked into Director Fury’s office. Loki had disappeared, it seemed, because Steve hadn’t seem him all day. Fury was sitting at his desk, and he stood upon Steve’s entry. He looked tired, and a bit frustrated. 

“You’re here about Loki,” he said. 

“He talked to you?” Steve asked. 

“Talked is a nice way of putting it,” Fury said. “I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told him: no. Right now he’s going over your other potential candidates and you will be assigned one, and when we know, we will let you know.” 

“With all due respect, sir,” Steve said, “I don’t think you understand.” 

“What do you know about Loki?” Fury asked. “I think I understand more about the situation than you. You, Rogers, have been out of service for the past few years. I have been here every moment of every day since the beginning, and I know about everyone who comes through these doors. If I am refusing to make Loki your co-pilot, then you better believe there’s a damn good reason behind my decision.” 

Steve frowned. “What’s the reason?” 

Fury looked at him. 

“Sir,” Steve added. 

“That is up to Loki to tell you,” Fury said. 

“I haven’t seen Loki since we sparred,” Steve said. “By the way, he was amazing. He wants to be a pilot, he told me that, and maybe you have a good reason, but you haven’t given Loki a chance and I think he deserves that. He’s been through the training. You let him go through it for a reason. At the very least check our numbers together. See what happens.” 

Fury looked at Steve for a long time. Then he said, “You have some nerve, Rogers. But fine, I’ll look at those numbers. If anything goes wrong, it’s on your head.” 

“Thank you, sir,” Steve said. He was grinning. 

Fury sighed. “Dismissed.” 

Steve walked out of the office with an extra spring in his step. And then he realized he had no idea where he was going. He wanted to find Loki, to talk to him. But he had no idea where Loki would be hiding. He didn’t even know where Loki slept. 

He resolved to find out. He had time. 

As he walked through the base, various Rangers, pilots, and tech guys looked at him with curiosity. Here was an old pilot being brought back because, apparently, the incoming Rangers weren’t good enough. Or Fury didn’t believe they could operate the Blue Avenger as well as Steve had. 

He passed by the lab and then did a double-take. Among the vials and tubes of kaiju body parts, the tech and desks that created a maze in the small space, Loki was leaning over a computer screen. Next to him was a woman with brown hair, and next to her, a man with glasses. 

Steve stepped into the room, quietly, curious. Loki wasn’t a scientist, but he seemed to assist Fury with running the base. None of them noticed him as he moved closer. Loki’s eyes were narrowed at the screen. 

“So we’re expecting one here within a few days,” the woman was saying, tapping on part of the screen. “Maybe two. There have been a handful of double attacks lately, but the numbers indicate that we should be getting one within our zone.”

“I’ve checked and rechecked,” the man said. “Jane’s right. We could be facing some serious battles ahead. And Fury needs to get his teams in top condition. The program is riding on our performance. Well, the pilots’ performances.” 

“I’ll let Director Fury know,” Loki said. “Thank you. Anything else we should know?” 

“Not at the moment,” Jane said. 

Loki straightened up and turned to leave, but stopped when he saw Steve. The two scientists didn’t even notice. They were locked in conversation about something completely different. 

Loki walked up to Steve and said, “I know you’re not here for kaiju science. What are you doing?” 

“I was looking for you,” Steve said. 

Loki made a small noise of frustration. “You’re wasting your time,” he said, and pushed past Steve. 

Steve caught Loki by the arm in the hallway. Loki spun around immediately and took a step back. “Don’t do that,” he said. 

“Look, I talked to Fury-“

“As did I,” Loki said. “You will find out who your copilot is in due course.” 

“It has to be you,” Steve said. 

Loki’s eyes widened, slightly. “You can’t be serious.” 

“I’m completely serious,” Steve said. “I think you agree with me. Why’re you denying it?” 

“I’m being smart,” Loki snapped. “I’m not chasing after illusions. Fury is stubborn. And-“ Loki hesitated. “He’s right.” 

“Normally, I would agree with you,” Steve said, “but this is different-“

“Is it?” Loki asked. “Are you sure you even want this, Rogers? I’m sure by now you’ve heard what everyone says about me. Don’t deny it—I can see the guilt in your eyes. You’ve heard and you listened. It bothers you. As it should, because all of it, every word, is true.” He allowed that to sink in. 

Steve stared at him. “You really said that to your brother? You-“

“Yes,” Loki hissed, “because that is the truth of it. So think, Rogers, about what you want. It isn’t me as your copilot.” He turned and walked away, and Steve could only watch him disappear around a corner. 

He didn’t follow. He went to his room to wait for Fury’s word. There was nothing else he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki is the most self-sabotaging character I've ever written.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiju attack!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I hope you've enjoyed this small story. And if you haven't seen Pacific Rim, watch it! It really is a great film.

The alarm sounded. 

Steve had been organizing his room, something he’d neglected when he got there originally. He dropped the clothes he’d been hanging up and rushed into the hallway. 

He knew he didn’t have a copilot, but he didn’t care. Fury probably had already made a decision, or was close to it, and if there was an attack then the Blue Avenger might be needed. Even if not, Steve was going to make himself available. It was why he was there, after all. 

He ran to the main deck that oversaw the Jaegers, where the two other pilot crews, Fury, and Coulson were along with a bunch of other staff. Coulson hovered over a radar that showed two energy signatures deep in the ocean, quickly approaching land. 

“We’ve got two kaiju heading in the same direction,” Coulson said. “Code names Destoyer and Snakeskin.Both Category IV’s.” 

Fury swore. Usually two Jaegers, at least, were sent to deal with a kaiju. For two kaiju, Fury would need at least three, and Blue Avenger didn’t have a crew. 

“Right,” Fury said. “Black Hawk, Iron Thunder, you’re up.” The two teams set out and Fury turned to Steve. “Suit up.” 

“Yes, sir,” Steve said. “But I can’t pilot her by myself.” 

“I know,” Fury said. He sounded frustrated.

Steve ended up in the pilot control center of Blue Avenger a few minutes later, suited up and attached to his pod. Someone else stepped into the compartment and Steve looked over in time to see Loki stepping onto the other pod. 

“So it’s you,” Steve said. “I guess you were wrong.” 

Loki looked at him and Steve could see the barely contained joy in his face. Still, he said, “Arrogance doesn’t suit you, Rogers.” 

“It’s not arrogance,” Steve said. “It’s confidence.” 

“Blue Avenger,” Fury’s voice came through the comms. “Can you hear me?” 

“Yes,” Steve and Loki replied. 

“The others are being deployed. You will run defense,” Fury said, “given that you haven’t piloted her together before. Initiating neural Drift in ten, nine-“

“Just stay calm, and let it wash over you,” Steve told Loki. 

“Three, two, one.” 

And the control center disappeared, and in its place-

Snow, nothing but snow, and the distant roar of kaiju-

“Loki, play with me! We’ll go on an adventure through the forest!” 

“I’m just a kid from Brooklyn. Nothing special.” 

Why can’t I be more like Thor?

“Join the Rangers.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Worthless. So worthless. 

Two subway cars passed each other to the sound of laughter-

“It’s for business. Your father’s job is relocating-“

More snow, screaming, roaring, cold, cold-

“You’re just different.” 

Bucky’s eyes, wide with fear, and then with nothing, and he was dead, so dead, and Steve felt the connection break and there was nothing inside his head except a hole and the kaiju roaring, threatening, killing-

And then there was no suit, sirens wailing into the clear sky, and a city breaking-

“We didn’t find a body-“

Blood flowing over shattered concrete and glass, two bodies on the floor, broken, at odd angles, unnatural, and the roaring of a monster in the distance and-

My fault, my fault, it’s all my fault I made them come here and it couldn’t protect them I should’ve been a pilot it would’ve helped them Thor is out there fighting and all I can do is lead them to die I couldn’t even shield them why am I alive? Why couldn’t it be me? This is my fault I am the monster I killed them-

A huge Jaeger loomed over the broken landscape and below it, two pilots walked forward-

I can’t tell him I can’t let him know I killed them he will kill me like he killed the monster I can’t let him-

“You didn’t come in time!” Screaming, out loud or inside hard to tell-

“Loki!” Steve tried to pull himself out of the swirl of emotions, the guilt and the grief and the self-hatred. “Loki, it’s a memory! Listen to me, it isn’t your fault. You didn’t kill them. You did the best you could, and now you can help save this town. You just need to listen-“

I will fail. 

“You won’t,” Steve insisted. 

“He’s out of alignment,” Fury told him over the comms. 

Steve was being battered with so many emotions that it was overwhelming. He wanted to curl up into a ball, or detach from the pod and run and hide. He wasn’t sure which of these was Loki and which was him, but it didn’t matter. 

“Loki, the others are fighting but they need our help now. You’re not a failure. It isn’t your fault.” 

The memories and emotions vanished, and in their place came shame and shock. 

“Steve-“ Loki croaked. 

“It’s fine,” Steve said. “It happens. The Drift is a hell of the rush. Are you okay?” 

He wasn’t, Steve could feel that. He was on the edge of panicking. Steve forced himself to remain calm so that his calm steadiness would wash over Loki. 

Then Fury announced, “Neural handshake, complete.” 

Relief. 

“You are in flight,” Fury added, and Steve and Loki felt the jarring of the Jaeger being lifted by two helicopters. 

“How’s the fight, sir?” Steve asked. 

“Black Hawk is holding her own with Destroyer,” Fury said. “Iron Thunder needs help with Snakeskin. She’s almost unable to fight.”

“We’ll take care of it,” Steve said. He was eager, and confident in their abilities. He felt Loki’s thoughts, heard the name Thor and felt the worry spike through their connection. He countered it with calmness and confidence. They could do this. They would win. They moved like one person and they were agile and strong and this was perfect for this Jaeger, and it would serve them well in the fight. 

“Prepare for drop,” Fury said. 

There was a moment of weightlessness and then the jarring impact and the sound of splashing water as the Jaeger hit the ocean. On the screen, they could see Black Hawk locked in battle with Destroyer. A few meters away, Iron Thunder had stopped moving, and Snakeskin was circling. On screen the kaiju showed up as a lithe creature with spikes., and it was huge. Bigger than anything Steve had battled. 

Another thrill of worry. 

“We can do this,” Steve said. “Let’s show Fury what he almost missed out on.” 

Loki’s worry and doubt was replaced with a fierce determination at the mention of Fury, and together they moved the Jaeger as if it were part of their own body towards Iron Thunder and the Destroyer. 

“Iron Thunder, Blue Avenger is at your position,” Fury said over the comms. “Hang in there. We will send the rescue crews to pick you up as soon as possible.” 

“You found Steve a co-pilot?” Stark asked, incredulously. “Who is it?” 

A pause. Fury said, “Loki.” 

At the same time, Snakeskin erupted from the water and jumped on Blue Avenger. 

The impact knocked the Jaeger back, and Steve and Loki immediately launched into a counter attack. There was no conversation about how to proceed, no debate. They didn’t need it. Loki knew when Steve’s powerful, straight-forward style of fighting would suit, and Steve knew when Loki’s agility came in handy. Loki knew everything about this particular Jaeger as well as Steve did, and they utilized that knowledge to their advantage. 

They drove Snakeskin back, away from land and from Iron Thunder, and pounded it into the water. In the background, they heard Fury announce that Destroyer had been killed by Black Hawk, but they didn’t stop. Steve usually took a step back during a fight, but Loki was relentless, and Steve adapted his moves to fit that style. It was smart. This kaiju was more resilient than the ones Steve fought in the past, and it required that they didn’t give it time to rally. 

And then Loki activated a set of spikes and impaled the monster. Blue blood filled the water, glowing brightly, and cheers erupted over the comms. 

“Sending the recovery team to your position,” Fury told them. “Great work.” 

Steve felt amazing. Fighting—he had missed it. He had missed the satisfaction of saving cities from the kaiju. Loki’s excitement also coursed through him, energizing him. It was a soaring joy that Steve had never seen on Loki, and he imagined that if he looked over Loki would be the picture of emotionlessness, but there was no hiding in the Drift, and Steve felt everything. 

And Loki knew Steve felt it, and he didn’t care. 

A rush of warmth came through the connection, from Loki to Steve, and Steve returned the feeling. Being in Loki’s mind was natural; they were different, but they balanced each other. They were good for each other. 

Two halves of a whole. 

“Loki!” came Thor’s voice over the comms, overjoyed. 

Loki reached up and shut the audio off. Steve could feel his thoughts—he was thinking that dealing with Thor was for another time. He needed to do it, but not at this moment. Not after this fight. 

He disconnected from the pod, and from the Drift, and stepped off. They would be picked up by the helicopters soon, so it wasn’t necessary for them to be connected. 

Loki took off his helmet and Steve disconnected himself from his own pod. Loki’s eyes were bright, and he walked over to Steve and stopped just short of him. Steve took off his own helmet. He couldn’t stop grinning. 

“Did you like it?” Steve asked. 

Loki opened his mouth, closed it, and then said, “It was exhausting. Terrifying. You were in my head, and I in yours, and we fought but it wasn’t—it wasn’t normal fighting. We were the same person. I-“

“I trust you,” Steve said. “Just so you know. I think you should. Fighting with you was amazing. And I would be honored to do it again.” 

“You’re a sentimental fool,” Loki said. “My mind is a mess.” 

“And yet we drifted perfectly,” Steve said. 

Loki looked like he wanted to do something rather than say something, and was struggling. Steve knew what he was thinking, even though they were disconnected. It was a side-effect from the Drift, an echo. 

So Steve made the first move. 

He drew Loki close and kissed him. Loki stiffened in shock, and then relaxed into Steve’s grip, and responded to the kiss and neither of them wanted to let go. Steve broke off the kiss and Loki rested his head against Steve’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and sighed. Relief. 

He didn’t have to run from his past anymore.


End file.
